Couples begin to develop a relational dynamic between them after living together for some time. I often see young couples one to three years after marriage or living together under the same roof. For better or for worse a dynamic begins to occur in relation to how we speak to each other. Certain expectations and assumptions of how and where the conversation is going begin to emerge. This predictability can be beneficial and empathetic to those we care for and can help understanding within a relationship occur.
Unfortunately the same expectations and assumptions can lead to misinterpretation and misunderstanding. Judgement and criticism can often be received without intent and lead to a negative scripted outcome between two individuals. It can begin to feel like basic communication without conflict is not possible. Countless times couples will come into my office with this description of their relationship feeling misunderstood and alienated from one another. These feelings are real and anyone in a relationship has felt this way at one time or another!
When meeting with these couples I first commend them for their awareness and decision to seek help to change the negative scripted dynamic beginning to emerge. We identify what part of their script is beneficial as well as how they fall into the negative outcomes. It is essential to realize that this is a dynamic between two individuals. Each person has brought themselves to the relationship and must take responsibility. Taking responsibility and not blaming results in change.
Couples have often said they come away with “real tools” after seeing me for the first time. I certainly feel that way too! Several couples have entered Couples Group Therapy and helped create and maintain positive change in their lives. Call today to schedule an appointment or for a free phone consultation.
Tevis Steere, LCSW Steere Family Therapy 502-295-5008